One Stinky Pinky Don’t Stop the Show

Lube Me Up with Fry Grease part 5!

Do you ever write something and then go back a few days later and look at it a little sideways? That was low-key me with part 5. I was like…he wanted to smell the what? The Red, White, and Oooo room? Not white cake in the parlor. “Fetid Fanny Fragrance?” I hope y’all come visit me when I get arrested please.

Ok so where were we? Oh yeah the Fry Grease was sizzling hot! Now we know who actually put Hamburglar’s prized purple-penis-eater in the ground. (RIP) But is this news too late? Will the former college roommates find a way to rebuild their bond? Will an Eiffel Tower be involved? All these questions and more will be answered now!

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Hamburglar froze in place, his eyes quivered and tears started to soak his rudimentary eye mask.

“I had no choice, he threatened to drown my Fry Kids and-“ his voice caught in his throat.

“I couldn’t let my fries get soggy, not on my watch.” His eyes swelled under his tear-streaked clown makeup.

“Please forgive me Hamilton, I’ve carried this with me every day but couldn’t tell you until I knew my kids were safely far away at Hamburger University.”

Hamilton B. Urglar wiped his dribbling nose and choked back his tears before letting out a pained “Rooobbleeee.”

[To know I hath been a fool for a month of Sundays, doing the bidding of that cantankerous codger is a burning coal that sets my chest aflame. The annihilator of my joy only inches from my grasp all the while? While the nightly appearance of my fallen inamorato in my dreams haunted me? Unsure if his whispers were sweet nothings or utter damnations for my foolhardiness? Warnings that I was a victim of such flimflammery, bamboozlery, and subterfuge? For this impudence, I will have the Colonel’s head! In a bucket! To go! Posthaste!]

Ronald winced, trying to decipher his gibberish to his best ability. “Yeah, how about you release me real quick. For old times sake, before my shoulders seperate on me?”

Hamburglar broke his angry, far-off gaze and slammed the chain pulley release allowing a reprieve from the clown’s misery.

“You know this place better than I. You could kill the Colonel alone, but if you allow me the chance to save my beloved Wendy…we would both owe you our lives.” Ronald crept up to the door, listening for any movement outside. Hamburglar cand up next to him. Ronald silently slid the door open as Hamburglar peered out, nodding that The coast was clear. “I think I heard her screams coming from a few doors down, with your help we could free her faster.”

Hamburglar looked his old compadre in the eye before whispering, “Robble Robble Roobble Robble Robbble Robbble Robble Robble.”

[cool.]

The pair split up, listening to each door in the long hallway before checking its contents. Ronald heard a pained rasping behind the second-to-last, across from the grand staircase. He motioned for Hamburglar to use his key and let the door naturally glide open.

Wendy sat up from the floor with fervor, just as Ronald rushed in giving her the shushing motion. She closed her mouth and bit her lip just as he rushed up and wrapped his arms around her. Her sigh became a moan in his ears, prickling the hair on the back of his neck. Wendy squirmed as the chains latched behind her cut into the tender flesh of her wrists. Ronald motioned to Hamburglar, still guarding the door. Hamburglar cautiously let the door close, locking it for safety.

Wendy’s face flushed with trepidation as the ex-con turned mercenary approached her abruptly. Ronald knelt down and gently eased her up.“It’s ok. He’s going to help us. He knows the truth finally.”

Wendy was overjoyed with the news, allowing Ronald to help hold her torso upright while Hamburglar tried to figure out which key would unlock her restraints.

“That monster made it sound like you were dead! I thought I would never see you again! Never kiss those salty,over-painted lips once more.” She uttered into his ear as he held her close, her perky [coffee creamer single packs] drawing nearer to his gaping mouth. He brought her lips to his, getting swept up in the moment as he forced his tongue into her waiting mouth. Her tattered rags shifted as her body shivered. Her temperature, radiating from her [bacon, egg, & cheese biscuit] rose as she unleashed a moan that shook the room. Hamburglar, flustered and unable to focus on the task at hand, dropped the keys in his frazzled state.

As he rose to pick up where he left off, he couldn’t help but notice Wendy’s juicy, meaty, [quarter pounder patties] and the urge took control. Without a moments notice, he dove nose-first into Wendy’s ripe [happy meal]. Her eyes shot open, then rolled back in her head as Ronald continued his tongue assault on her tonsils and kneading her biscuits like a newborn kitten. Meanwhile, Hamburglar was bringing up the rear and sucking in every drop of swamp juice, leaving no crevice or lily pad unturned (on) by his burrowing nasal tip.

Speaking of tip, the clown’s balloon animal inflated to the point his yellow jumpsuit could barely keep it contained. He worried that anymore friction would make him pop & who wanted to clean that up? Lust clouded his mind as he tried to peel the cumbersome clownery off his rigid body. That’s when he noticed his ex-roommate’s face buried in Wendy’s [chili con carne bowl] and her face plastered in a slack-jawed expression of pleasure. Ronald had watched this skinemax scene playing live in front of him for too long, letting his jumpsuit fall and his [McWrap] spring to attention. Hamburglar, a bit too overzealous in his digging for gold, slipped and thrust Wendy forward into the arms of Ronald.

When Hamilton stood, he breathily joined the pair, still high off Wendy’s tailpipe fumes. His eyes met Ronald’s, floods of grunting memories rushing back to his mind and blood to his loins. As if via telepathy, the tantalizing trio’s moist maws converged into one sloppy, pungent kiss. Ronald and Hamilton continued to tongue lash each-other’s soup coolers, letting their hands travel down to either entrances of Wendy’s leaking [soda fountain dispensers.] She squealed as she bit into Ronald’s throbbing shoulder while he flicked a jaunty tune on her lady-fiddle.

At last Hamilton could take no more, positioning himself behind Ronald and stripping off his prison uniform. His eyes on the prize, Ronald’s prison wallet. His [chili spoon] no longer sentenced to solitary confinement poked and prodded at the clown’s round party balloons. Ronald tensed but continued strumming Wendy’s strings as Hamburglar forcefully fingered the clown’s balloon knot. Things were reaching a fevered peak, their moans in sync and the smell of [buns, drinks, and parfaits] filling the room when a wet slapping sound came over a loud speaker somewhere above them. Wendy attempted to cover her swollen [double cheeseburgers] as they huddled close.

“Well shit, I say, I say, shit! I wasn’t done yet!” seethed the Colonel. A zip noise and a button slapped through the speaker. “Y’all little rabbits sure put on quite a show you know that? I should upload this to my onlyfans!” He grumbled, “I’ll need one of y’all to show me how to do that though.” They could hear him audibly wipe the spittle from the corner of his mouth as they stared at the door. “I think, I say I think we can all just assume that y’all are locked in there now. Dumb bunnies. How in this, the year of our lord, did you fuckwits not think I had cameras everywhere?” He chuckled. “Well anyhoo, I just took my pill so I’ll be dead to the world any minute now. Y’all can continue if you wanna. I’m sure the audience wanted to see a the clown get a pie in the face. Know what I mean?” He laughed at his own joke, while they foraged for their clothes. “Well excuuuuse me, better luck next time I guess!”

Passive-aggressively Yours,

Phrique